Basic Bits of Psychology

It’s a pretty simple truth that we humans don’t ask for help unless we’re stuck or suffering in some way. At that time, we are more likely to accept something new because we’re tired of or caught up in an old way of thinking or behaving. That is true for physical pain. It is also true for those who are suffering emotionally. True to my early programming, I looked for more information, more education, ostensibly to help others who were hurting. That is not a put down about compassion for others – more to point out a smoke screen we humans tend to use, a diversion that we hope (perhaps unconsciously) will help relieve our own suffering.

And so I found myself graduating from a Master’s program in Counselling from Denver Seminary (Conservative Baptist Theological Seminary) in 1981. And then a Ph.D. program in Clinical Psychology from Fuller Theological Seminary – Graduate School of Psychology in 1988. It was next to impossible for me to ask for help, so my mind was trying to fix the confusion and pain I was experiencing by learning more about it.

As part of my education, I (finally) started my own personal therapy during those years at Fuller. Gradually, I opened my eyes and mind to options and choices about who I was and what I wanted to experience. Most importantly, I shifted from thinking about gathering more information to an awareness of my strong desire to experience the divine. Early in our time together, I remember asking my Christian therapist “what is true? Tell me what is true and I will believe that and do that and then I’ll be happy”.  I don’t remember if she answered or what it was. However, now I know that what is true is what brings me joy, what lifts me out of the old beliefs and emotional entanglements that kept me trapped in a lifetime of fear and suffering, what opens me to experiencing the divine here now.

Slowly, I began to realize I could choose…and be different from the programming of my early years. Ohhh, it was so hard to choose me rather than continue to try to fit the mold that had kept me safe (although increasingly unhappy) for 30+ years. Some simple choices seemed potentially devastating. My parents would call to check in with us kids on Sunday mornings before church. That ended up being 7 am in Los Angeles, and I hated hearing that phone ring. And yet it took me months, maybe years, to say anything!

I could choose…what worked for me, what brought me peace and joy, not just what I was told to believe or do. It took awhile for me to even explore what I wanted, so programmed was I in all areas of my life. From no awareness or expression of emotion, to working hard to be the best, to what constituted being a good person…it was all just sitting there inside me, waiting to erupt as I began to open the door to new possibilities. And erupt they did!

I was prescribed antidepressant medications. They modulated my emotions and kept me functional as I explored options, new ways of thinking and being that offered me release and relief from the bondage of my programming. I was able to think even as I began to experience all the emotions that I had stuffed for years and found my way through to myself. I gradually came out as lesbian, first to myself and then to others. It was unacceptable to be fully me at school or with my family because of the rules of ‘Christian’ ways of being. So I chose to be me in the rest of my life and, eventually, in all of my life…to be different, to honour my own experiences of love, to trust what worked for me, what brought me joy and satisfaction.

I continued that theme, choosing what worked for me. In my private practice after graduation and licensing, I chose an eclectic model of therapy rather than giving my clients another mold, another information system to fit into. I brought into the therapeutic relationship the information and tools I found helpful for me. My primary focus was on the relationship between myself and the client(s), the experience of being with another. I listened, encouraging them to share their stories, to feel the pain that had been repressed, and offered tools for letting go of the old. This was the foundation of who I was as a clinical psychologist, mirroring my desire to experience being with the divine, and I continued to open to More.

Over the years, I’ve synthesized my wisdom and experience in a loosely defined and very individual path to healing emotional trauma. Until you become aware of pain or some issue, there is no need to change. So, awareness is most often the entry point into a non-linear process of change. Emotional Release is a choice that is often ignored. It is an emptying of old emotional (magnetic) energies that can dissolve the entanglement causing distress (Dispenza, 2012*). This new space allows Insight/Wisdom to be present, opening to a new perspective and offering new possibilities. Finally, the new wisdom finds a balance in the person as Integration occurs.

Personally, I experience myself in this process as being a cloud of thoughts and feelings, of experiences and awareness. My mind might think I’m opening in one area and as I release, a completely different insight might come to me. It is a series of signposts for anyone to explore and find their own path to transformation. I love being eclectic…different. For me, it means that I choose the best and most helpful ideas and experiences to further my own transformation, no matter what my old programming tells me. The Cycle of Expansion offers this opportunity to everyone – the space to allow our Soul to guide us, to discover our Soul Self and expand into Unity Consciousness.

Being different often means the usual people and groups we reach out to for support are no longer supportive. They may still love you yet are unable or unwilling to follow you into new ways of perceiving yourself and the world. I have been blessed with and guided to a variety of counsellors, professors, channels and groups throughout the years. Aware of higher perspectives, and in their desire to allow each individual to find and follow their own path, they have offered their wisdom and support as I continue to explore who I was and who I am becoming. This journey is indeed one of transformation from within…yet we need not be alone as we find our way home.

Although I haven’t mentioned much about my Soul thus far, I absolutely know that it has been present within me from the beginning, loving me no matter what in my journey. As a Christian, I prayed for help from the Holy Spirit, especially in my darkest times. Yet I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t be ‘good’ or why I couldn’t figure out how to be happy. Yes, there were times of feeling the love of the divine, yet it wasn’t until I began to ‘wake up’ in 2000 that I started to really feel the presence of my Soul. I began to see all the pieces begin to fit together in my personal bigger picture and then into the even bigger cosmic picture.

Everything that I have experienced, literally everything, has brought me to this moment – and I am so very grateful for all of it! As my connection with my Soul deepened and the old beliefs and emotional entanglements were lifted more and more, I began to see the awesomeness of the divine plan. A plan for freedom from the bondage of old programming, believing I was a human unable to find my way out of fear and suffering. A plan for remembering I am a soul here in human form, creating my moments, choosing to create heaven here on earth from within. A plan to lift all of humanity and earth itself out of the depths of despair, hatred and violence into the compassion, joy, love and fulfillment that is Unity Consciousness.

We are here as Souls who have agreed to be present during this time of evolution in consciousness. We are here to play our part by remembering who we are and radiating the love of the divine to all creation. We are here to become aware of the dark places in ourselves and shine light on them. This has been the role of religion and spirituality throughout the millennia, and there’s More to come about that…