As my psychological practice evolved, I found the ‘new’ information from science helpful. Even more helpful was my expanding awareness of who I Am and what I Am about from a religious/spiritual perspective.
My ‘Religious’ Journey
From my beginnings in a very legalistic Christian family and community, I struggled with a religious belief system (Calvinism of the 1950’s) that preached from God’s law and, in my memory, emphasized fear of punishment (hellfire and damnation). As an adult, I found grace and first opened my heart to divine love in the Conservative Baptist community and was baptized (again). And eventually realized
the rules were still there.
As I came out to myself as lesbian, I knew enough not to talk about this at Fuller Graduate School of Psychology. In the last year of my PhD program, two things had a major impact on my life: A job offer in a Christian church-related psychological practice was withdrawn when they heard that I was lesbian; and the governing Board of Fuller Theological Seminary tried to expel me when I was outed to them by a ‘well meaning’ Christian. The Board eventually chose not to pursue the matter on the advice of their attorneys. So many rules…so much fear and judgment in the midst of my joy and excitement as I was preparing to serve Christians who were struggling with mental health issues.
I found a more expansive acceptance and freedom in the feminist, liberation, and beginnings of queer theologies of the Metropolitan Community Church in the (San Fernando) Valley. The pastor was an ‘outed’ Baptist minister and his message lifted me, gave my mind a different understanding of God’s love for all. Eventually the leadership changed and the message, an even more liberal theology, was too far outside the comfort zone of my ego mind. The interpretations of scriptures I had filed away over the years were suddenly challenged; familiar hymns were no longer sung. I felt betrayed again by a belief system that promised so much and through which I now experienced divine love so little. My heart wanted more and different and yet my ego mind could not expand enough to allow this measure of different to be acceptable.
I lived without a religious practice or specific faith system for almost ten years. I was enjoying being in a committed relationship, growing my psychology private practice and creating a new mental health agency for foster children. My life was full and interesting…until my relationship started falling apart. Another big shift was coming.
My ‘Spiritual’ Journey
In 2000, at a time when I felt complete with life and ready to leave, I had a personal reading with a trance channel at the suggestion of a friend. The message, which I understand was from my Higher Self through this channel, was clear: it was now time to wake up.
“Now, perhaps, just perhaps, in this moment, you will allow me. Now, it just might
be so that you will let yourself hear me. For you and I make one mighty
wholeness…For I am the mystery of the soul nature of you and I.”
It was time to become aware of my connection with a higher consciousness. It was time for me to realize I was a reflection of the divine here on Mother Earth in human form. To open to my Soul’s purpose of remembering who I Am and live that beingness here in this physical body.
It took six months for my mind to chew on and then begin to accept the message given to me that day. I chose to become part the group led by the channel and learn more.
The ensuing months and years could be characterized as a dance in which my ego mind was given enough information to provide an expanding structure where the experience of the divine made its presence known and felt time and time again. The primacy of the ego mind began to let go into the silence, the emptiness that allows my Soul to step in and return to the human’s natural state: a divine being having experiences in human form. I was introduced to a bigger picture, letting go of a limited worldview and opening to a galactic, then universal and finally cosmic awareness. This consciousness could hold my ego mind gently as my whole self opened to the experience of becoming my divine self, connecting with my Soul here in human form.
I entered a program of study with this group. The teachings were grounded in the channelling of spirited essences (Ascended Masters) such as St. Germain, Jesus, Mother Mary, and Quan Yin. I was introduced to metaphysics, New Age teachings, mysticism, and contemplative practices. I became more
and more excited as I realized there is a far greater story to be told, to be lived…my Soul’s passion was reignited.
Coursework was equally divided between information and emotional release, a paradigm that met my own needs in a way that other religious/spiritual traditions had not. Contemplative practices such as meditation, tai chi, shared time and music enhanced the experience. By quieting my mind and relaxing my body, new possibilities and information could begin to find their place in my expanding awareness. I was challenged to let go of what I thought I knew. Statements like “Nothing is as it seems; everything is as it should be” and “Your breath is the greatest gift you have” from St. Germain and others boggled my mind at first. Personal readings provided individual guidance.
My Expanding Journey
After five years, I again began to push against the limitations I felt in this community. I left, grateful for all I had received and eager for More. I began to explore and discover my own way of being, my own understanding of who I Am, what I Am about and what is happening in our world today.
Some awesome things about this journey? There are no human rules to push against, no issues that cannot be resolved through releasing and new insights…and there’s always More to discover!
I am open to any awareness or practice that will help me expand my level of consciousness, connect with my Soul and become one with the Divine. I loosely follow several resources offering channelled information that helps my ego mind stay open to new possibilities. At the same time, my personal practices continue to focus on letting go of the old, creating space for connecting and merging with my Soul.
Friends who share an awareness of the Bigger Picture create a sense of community as we share stories, new understandings and support for each other along the way. Like any religious/spiritual tradition, there are many different platforms that communicate the message that there is more going on here than meets the human eye or mind. Few come from a religious/spiritual background as I do, yet they know there is a divine presence guiding humanity during this time of accelerated evolution. Crimson Circle has been my main resource for the past 15+ years, offering more about Discovering Your Soul Self (embodied realization, their term) and the Bigger Picture. Channels such as Blossom Goodchild, Lorie Ladd, and Messages from Matthew are close enough to my own understanding that I check in on them from time to time.
As with anything in my life, I have learned to receive what feels right to me, that resonates deep within or tickles my heart, and let go of the rest. The reading I mentioned above ended with my question: “Why should I believe any of this?”
“You cannot believe it. That is a human experience. You can only let it
be, all that I speak be revealed to you, and received moment by moment…”
The human mind is programmed to function here in the third dimension and is limited to the past. Connecting with your Soul brings you beyond the mind and lifts you into higher realms of consciousness, eventually into heaven itself. This can only happen as you choose to listen to, to consciously open to your Soul…
“Now, perhaps, just perhaps, in this moment, you will allow me. Now, it just might
be so that you will let yourself hear me.”
From my heart to yours,
Eloecea
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