Integration and Another Broken Heart – Part 5

As I continued to integrate these experiences (merging human self with Soul Self), my expectations and desires created disappointment at first. I should feel different now. Instead, I was feeling a bit numb. I was reminded again of this being a gradual process of transformation. With that, I was able to return to a sense of allowing and observing, letting my moments unfold rather than judging them.

And then, for two days, I woke up in a place of wisdom, knowing so, so many things. I understood with complete acceptance my divine purpose here at this time and let go of any human thinking around that. I got the connection between consciousness, energy and light and how that creates my reality. I was perfectly at peace and yet excited being here, observing. I called these my ‘glorious days’ for the experience was truly wonderful. So expansive – as if heaven was right here within me now. My path was clear and filled with colour and beauty. Gradually the ‘glory’ receded and I found a new place of balance from a higher perspective than before.

Moments like this, especially after an emotional release or an ‘ah ha’ moment, ground my awareness of and desire to be in Unity Consciousness. At first, there was a gentle awareness that somehow I felt lighter, more at peace. Often, I find it easier to walk, meditate, let go, be excited and satisfied in every moment. There’s a clarity of thought and an ease of getting things done (at least more so than before!). An experience of being free of whatever emotional entanglement I released and continue to release that is so expansive and keeps getting bigger and better.

Of course, there’s often a rebound effect as my mind goes to work judging, editing, thinking. I get a little jumbled (or a lot jumbled) around integrating all I have been learning/receiving/experiencing. There have been many sources over the years and what to choose, when to use it, how it all fits together…yeah, this merging/integrating is tough on the mind :). Sometimes I can let that go and relax. At other times I breathe and smile through the lower frequency emotions like fear, shame, guilt, anxiety, frustration. I’m aware that my Soul Self knows what’s what and my mind and body will get it (and release it) sooner or later.

This is the process of being lifted up as we let go and the frequent reaction of our human self. We’re experiencing ‘cracks’ in our old patterns (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual). The emotional glue that keeps those patterns stuck comes up for release. And we eventually find the balance in a new, higher way of being. We’ve taken another step up into our new normal enjoying the shift knowing the next cycle will lift us again.

I wonder whether you’ve had similar experiences or how this all fits together for you. I’d love to hear more from you in the comments or in conversation. For me, the divine dance of the masculine and feminine is one of balance and beauty, honour and respect for each other. I know that masculine and feminine energies infuse everything in creation. Both are present in every human. The feminine is our direct connection to the divine through imagination and creation, the centre of our being. The masculine is the manifesting partner, protecting and providing for the feminine. The divine feminine imagines, feels into new possibilities and the divine masculine manifests them in physical form.

When the desire of my Cro-Magnon male ancestor to protect and manifest was shattered, his heart was broken wide open and he forgot his own divine purpose. The masculine, over time, became jealous and afraid of the power of the feminine in her connection with the divine and he found ways in which to make her less powerful. Eventually, as the feminine was forced let go of or forget her connection with the divine, her heart was also broken. The feminine’s clear connection with the divine was distorted and forgotten. The masculine’s ability to manifest also became distorted resulting in creation itself becoming less and less heaven on earth. We see the results of these broken hearts, this shifting into more human ways of trying to make things work in our world today.

This trauma is passed on through our DNA, to those we love the most, our family.  As humans, we have chosen to live with our broken hearts by distracting ourselves endlessly. However, broken hearts can heal fully. This trauma can only be resolved by allowing the love of the divine, through the Soul Self, to shine light on the pain and grief of loss of both the feminine and masculine. Our Soul Self is asking to love us and our darkness, to bring new life through the memory of the experience without the emotional distress.

Today we have the opportunity to remember and choose to return to our connection with the divine within, our Soul Self. We can remember and restore our ability to imagine and create heaven on earth as our divine intention and our divine manifestation. The human heart, broken so very long ago and distorted over the millennia, can be made available to the divine to reclaim its identity as a Soul here on earth having human experiences.

The choice is yours…do you choose to continue trying to make things better, to fix all the brokenness we see around us in the old ways? Or do you choose to remember who you truly are, to shift your focus from what’s wrong and begin to imagine new possibilities that can now manifest in our world? Are you willing to let go of trying hard and allow the divine to ease your path as you open to your Soul Self? To restore the balance of masculine and feminine energies within you and experience more of your own glorious moments and days?